Take That, Cover Letter!

Currently I'm fighting for concentration while trying to rework an old cover letter. It's the thing I dislike most about a job application process. If professionalism could step outside for a minute or if I could take and tie it and lock it in the broom closet until my job app is finished, here's what I would actually say:

Dear Prospective Employer,

Hello. I'm writing this because I need a job and out of force must try to impress you with words. Thanks to technology we can ditch the watermarked paper and save myself some postage.

I love creating and would like to do it for a full-time living. I've created cool-looking stuff, including posters, invitations, banners and programs, some which were seen around the community. I even made directory that featured hand-drawn illustrations.

I'm good at what I do and I'm dedicated. My clients love my design work and I aim to keep them happy. I haven't had a single complaint since I began freelancing three years ago. They love me and you would too.

With the economy still in a shabby state I really need a job, preferably one I enjoy. (I would also like know I didn't waste time and money in college.) This seems to fit the aforementioned description, so I would appreciate it if you would hire me.

Sincerely,

Me