St. Patrick's Day isn't really on my "holidays to celebrate" list. Wearing green is the extent of my involvement. But this year I decided it was at least a good excuse to get friends together. Brandon and Becca came over and we watched "Boondock Saints." How Irish is that for ya?
I had some Irish coffee cake from the place I work at and brewed up some coffee. It wasn't the greatest cup of joe I've ever brewed but it was passable. To top it off with some Irish flavour I put about 3 teaspoons of Bailey's.
Contradictory to what I just wrote, I don't drink. I might try a sip from a friend's drink if offered or I'm curious, but I don't order alcohol. Once I had a concrete reason to abstain, but now it's just habit as I try to find a strong, rock-solid conviction. (More on that later.)
The only reason I had some was to satisfy my curiosity. I don't and won't apply this to every curiosity I have, but this one seemed OK. It was a mini bottle and I only had part of it. Definitely not enough to get me plastered. St. Patty once again gave me a decent excuse. Sorry I seem like such a conformist.
I don't plan on drinking; it's not really for me and it's just something else to spend money on. I also don't want it to somehow get out of hand, or with my luck have it be "that one time" when something happens to me.
Anywho, hope you had a happy St. Patrick's Day. Now to figure out a "constructive" use for the rest of the Bailey's.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Not Quite Mrs. Robinson
Mrs. Robinson (from "The Graduate") and I could maybe be friends. I've been seeing a boy lately. Yes, "boy": he's six years my junior and a college freshman.
For inexplicable reasons I like younger guys. Maybe it's the innocence. I'm not trying to take it, it's just that it suits me, as I feel I'm still naive for my age.
I met my pseudo-significant other in January thru my friend Kaity. We hit it off but I didn't think much would come of it. A month later he randomly called me and we've been hanging out since then.
Unlike the assertive and manipulative Mrs. Robinson, I'm terrified.
The last time I was vulnerable and open with someone I fell hard. My heart sports a nasty proverbial scar to prove it. After almost two years I feel I'm starting to wake up from a sad haze and live my life. It feels good, hopeful.
There is still a nasty side-effect to my case: I've been doubting my "honey's" sincerity. In what can be considered a metaphorical soul strip I told him I am still recovering from my last relationship. Yeah, it's been that hard. He's been surprisingly supportive and says he even wants to help me trust people again. It's not people I mistrust: it's a possible romantic relationship that has me almost sick with anxiety.
We love watching movies, talking, cuddling. I think we got to the latter a little faster than we should've but he adores me for who I am, thinks I'm "absolutely lovely" and calls me "darling." Though he's sometimes a bit too teasing he likes intellect and philosophy. He's a gamer and a nerd, a type that I'm quite familiar and comfortable despite having "N008" tattooed on my forehead.
Adorable as he sounds, a few things have me wanting to bolt the other way:
1) He's six years younger- I've dated younger guys before, but I feel six years is pushing my limits. I had my college years and an overall good social experience; I don't want to take that away from him and keep him from meeting other people.
2) I don't date for kicks and giggles- Dating for "practice" was never been my thing. He says it wouldn't be for fun, but I'm still not sure how serious he is.
3) I'm scared of getting hurt again.- Though self-conscious, I've tended to be a very trusting (sometimes a little too trusting) person. Mom says it's important to be transparent but understood why I didn't want to feel exposed anymore. I'm having a harder time sharing myself this go-round.
4) I'm don't think I'm emotionally healthy enough to have a relationship yet.- While he knows my story and I appreciate the patience, I don't want him to somehow become a band-aid to a deeper riff I need to fix within. Just because I'm happier doesn't mean I'm well.
I'm over thinking to the point of slight anxiety. I don't want to do that. I want to enjoy his company and get to know him better, maybe to the point where I can firmly say, "Yes, I'm with him." Not sure how compatible we are yet, but I am curious to find out. I'm just really, really scared about taking a jump off this diving board.
For inexplicable reasons I like younger guys. Maybe it's the innocence. I'm not trying to take it, it's just that it suits me, as I feel I'm still naive for my age.
I met my pseudo-significant other in January thru my friend Kaity. We hit it off but I didn't think much would come of it. A month later he randomly called me and we've been hanging out since then.
Unlike the assertive and manipulative Mrs. Robinson, I'm terrified.
The last time I was vulnerable and open with someone I fell hard. My heart sports a nasty proverbial scar to prove it. After almost two years I feel I'm starting to wake up from a sad haze and live my life. It feels good, hopeful.
There is still a nasty side-effect to my case: I've been doubting my "honey's" sincerity. In what can be considered a metaphorical soul strip I told him I am still recovering from my last relationship. Yeah, it's been that hard. He's been surprisingly supportive and says he even wants to help me trust people again. It's not people I mistrust: it's a possible romantic relationship that has me almost sick with anxiety.
We love watching movies, talking, cuddling. I think we got to the latter a little faster than we should've but he adores me for who I am, thinks I'm "absolutely lovely" and calls me "darling." Though he's sometimes a bit too teasing he likes intellect and philosophy. He's a gamer and a nerd, a type that I'm quite familiar and comfortable despite having "N008" tattooed on my forehead.
Adorable as he sounds, a few things have me wanting to bolt the other way:
1) He's six years younger- I've dated younger guys before, but I feel six years is pushing my limits. I had my college years and an overall good social experience; I don't want to take that away from him and keep him from meeting other people.
2) I don't date for kicks and giggles- Dating for "practice" was never been my thing. He says it wouldn't be for fun, but I'm still not sure how serious he is.
3) I'm scared of getting hurt again.- Though self-conscious, I've tended to be a very trusting (sometimes a little too trusting) person. Mom says it's important to be transparent but understood why I didn't want to feel exposed anymore. I'm having a harder time sharing myself this go-round.
4) I'm don't think I'm emotionally healthy enough to have a relationship yet.- While he knows my story and I appreciate the patience, I don't want him to somehow become a band-aid to a deeper riff I need to fix within. Just because I'm happier doesn't mean I'm well.
I'm over thinking to the point of slight anxiety. I don't want to do that. I want to enjoy his company and get to know him better, maybe to the point where I can firmly say, "Yes, I'm with him." Not sure how compatible we are yet, but I am curious to find out. I'm just really, really scared about taking a jump off this diving board.
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